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little miss square eyes

A little bit of Phoebe, a whole lotta Jess and a shoe addiction to rival Carrie Bradshaw

Month

May 2013

Don’t Open. Dead Inside.

I love scary shows. I can’t quite put it into words, but that feeling of being scared – there’s nothing quite like it. Catching a fright from shadows on walls. Odd little sounds that seem so much more threatening than they really are. Heart racing. Adrenalin pumping. Shouting “DON’T GO IN THERE!” as if the characters can hear you through the screen. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Enter The Walking Dead.

And exit most of my friends and family who cannot stand scary things. But I’m more than content to watch this on my own, as I mentally make notes on how to defend myself in the event of a zombie apocalypse (NB: Find a Daryl Dixon equivalent and all will be okay).

I had never heard of this show until a friend told me about it (shout out to Toni) and once she had described it, I knew I had to get my hands on it. So there I was. 11pm at night. Alone. Episodes at the ready and a vague idea of what was in store for me. And boy, did this show deliver!

For starters, kudos to the special effects team for creating the most incredible looking zombies I have ever seen! They are both extremely horrifying and fascinating at the same time. Secondly, thank you to the writers for not being afraid to kill off main characters… again and again and again. I love you and hate you for it.

Just as you think the show is going to go in one direction – BAM! Another character that we have bonded with (if they’re around for long enough) disappears, and we’re left speculating who could possibly go next. I sometimes wonder if the writers use a giant dartboard with all the characters’ names on it to decide who is next to meet their untimely demise. Obviously they’re being guided somewhat by the comic books, but I like to think they have their own bit of fun with it every now and then.

I do however have one gripe about the show… Season 3 seemed to lose some of its momentum. From being fast paced and all about survival of the fittest, the show turned into a sad version of Prison Break – except this time they were trying to stay inside the prison instead of break out. Gone were the swarm of zombie attacks, farm takeovers, bloodied battles and action packed victories. Sure there were still a couple of moments that left us on tenterhooks, but the atmosphere seemed to shift from frenzied to safe.

But never fear! Good news has arrived for the fourth season and I cannot wait until it takes over our screens again in October. Producer Gale Anne Hurd stated it perfectly by saying, “We’re going to amp up the threat of the walkers, because they’ve started to seem like a manageable threat. They are not a manageable threat.” And I for one could not be more pleased.

So here’s to more zombies/walkers/biters making things less peaceful for our beloved survivors in season 4. Oh, and one more thing.

If Daryl dies, we riot.

Geordie 101

If you’re going to attempt watching Geordie Shore, it’s best that you be prepared. Never mind the scandalous behavior they exhibit on TV, their assault on the English language is just as bad if not worse than anything they do. Don’t be confused by the subtitles that occasionally pop up on the screen; they are still apparently speaking English but it is most definitely not the Queen’s.

I’ve put together a list of classic Geordie words to help you better understand what these kids are saying – although sometimes, even if you know what the words mean, you still have no idea what they’re going on about!

Alreet – Alright

Bird – Girl

Banter – Have a laugh

Bellend – Idiot

Bosh! – Exclamation of having a good time (usually used at the end of a sentence)

Flanter – Flirty banter

Haway – Come on

In there like swimwear – To be involved in a situation

Mint – Good

Mortal – Drunk

Mug – Idiot

Necking – Kissing

Pet – Girl/woman

Pull – Attract someone

Tash on – Kiss

Toon – Town

Us – Me

Whey Aye – Yeah

Worldie – Extremely beautiful person

And there you have it! Your own little Geordie Shore dictionary. Hopefully it comes in handy the next time you decided to take on those crazy lads and lasses from Newcastle. BOSH!

Geordie Shore vs. The Valleys

I am almost ashamed to admit this, but I am addicted to Geordie Shore. There, I said it. While many of you may shake your head at me, it’s “reality” shows like this one, and the newly launched The Valleys, that can keep me glued to my screen for hours. Partly because they are just ridiculous and partly because they make me feel so much better about my life and my future.

If you have never heard of either of these shows, let me give you a quick run down. Geordie Shore is the British take on the popular American TV show Jersey Shore and is filmed in the town of Tyne in Newcastle. While one or two characters have changed over the five seasons, the show follows the crazy and often bizarre antics of 8 Geordies (the name given to natives of Newcastle-upon-Tyne) living in the same house and doing random promotional jobs for their boss Anna. You’re probably wondering how something like this could be at all appealing. I once thought the same thing. And now I can’t stop.

The Valleys on the other hand, is a show that I am not too sure I will continue pursuing. This show takes 9 young hopefuls from an area in Wales known as The Valleys and places them in a house in Cardiff with the promise of helping them achieve their dreams of stardom. When watching the show however, about 15% of it actually highlights their attempts at fame, while the other 85% is filled with chaos, debauchery and other socially unacceptable behaviors that make you wonder how these people have enough dignity to ever leave the house again. And how their parents haven’t disowned them.

Both of these shows take reality TV to a whole other level – The Valleys so much so that I cannot believe people live their lives like that on a daily basis. While I can’t see it becoming a regular on my watch list, I am eagerly anticipating the sixth season of Geordie Shore! What can I say, these outrageous individuals have managed to find a special place in my heart and although I can’t always understand what they’re saying, they have the right mix of comedy, idiocy and outlandish behavior that keeps me coming back for more. I need my fix of Charlotte and Gaz’s love drama, James’s comb-over, Holly’s drunken tumbles, Vicky’s slightly above average IQ and Sophie’s ability to hold the house together.

While I would never participate in half of the morally questionable stunts that these kids have pulled in front of millions (yes, it has such a following) of viewers, there’s one thing that I know for certain…

I am, and forever will be, a Geordie Shore lass.

Outwit. Outplay. Outage?

Yesterday I finished watching season 26 of Survivor a.k.a. Survivor Caramoan and I seem to be suffering from a bit of PSD – Post Survivor Depression. I’m not going to call myself a die-hard Survivor fan because I stopped following it somewhere in the middle (after all there are 26 seasons, so can you blame me), but my Survivor fever was recently reawakened and I cannot wait for what season 27 will bring. Just the name Survivor: Blood vs Water gets me excited! And I’m intrigued to see what twists Probst and the gang have in store for us.

Survivor has to be one of my favourite reality TV shows. Never mind the false rumors about contestants having toothbrushes and other toiletries behind the scenes; this show truly embraces the notion of reality television. Minimal food, exposure to the elements, risk of poisonous bites or infections… And not to mention having to deal with lunatic contestants like Russel Hantz or the so-called “Specialist”, Phillip Sheppard. Let’s also not forget Johnny Fairplay’s ‘dead grandmother’ stunt! This show really does make for some good viewing.

The other thing I really love about Survivor is the fact that it is completely unpredictable. You never know which way the game is going to go and Season 26 is a perfect example of how you should never judge a book by its cover. **SPOILER ALERT!! Block your eyes! Leave the room! Or alternatively just skip to the next paragraph**  The fact that the Cochran, the dorky underdog, managed to beat the athletic jocks in a handful of challenges and eventually take home the prize money was a remarkable feat, which drives home how it truly is anyone’s game. This is backed up by the multiple, well orchestrated blindsides that often leave me sitting with my mouth wide open, staring at the TV in utter disbelief.

Now, to make it to 27 seasons is an incredible achievement but there is one question that has been pestering me lately… How is it possible that Jeff Probst still looks as young as he did in season 1?! 13 years later and not one wrinkle or grey hair on the man, which makes me think that he has discovered a Fountain of Youth somewhere along the line.

Flawless facial features aside, Jeff Probst IS Survivor and I can only hope that he continues to host it for as long as it runs.

Anyone disagree?

No?

The tribe has spoken.

True American

Ok, am i the only one who really wants to play True American sometime?! Ever since i saw it on New Girl i’ve been dying to try it out, but figuring out the rules from watching the show is just as bad as Ray Charles asking Stevie Wonder for directions.

Luckily, I found this awesome site that actually has the rules on how to play!!

http://trueamericanrules.com

Enjoy it New Girl fans. And remember… everything you hear in True American is a lie, knock on wood!

Abnormal is the New Normal

I’m always on the hunt for new TV shows. Always. Even though I’m currently watching about 30 (or more) at the same time, I somehow manage to find time to throw in an extra one here and there. This week it’s been The New Normal and while I’m only 10 episodes into season one, my heart has officially been stolen. And I don’t mind it one little bit.

I find that trying out a new show often takes the form of an awkward first date. You’re not too sure how you feel about it afterwards and it usually takes 1 or 2 more dates (or in this case, episodes) for you to suss out what you like, what you don’t like and whether you want to pursue things further. This time it was different – The New Normal said all the right things and left me with a clear indication of where this relationship is going. And oh, how it’s going to be a great one!

On the surface, The New Normal chronicles the life of single mom, Goldie, who stumbles out of Ohio in pursuit for a better life and ends up as a surrogate for two of the most fabulous gay characters I’ve seen on TV since Will and Jack. Throw in a 9 year old with an old soul, a right-wing Republican grandmother and the powerful personality of Nene Leakes; this show has a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ that makes me unable to stop watching. Although I’m trying my best to ration the remaining episodes I have left, my attempts have been futile… I have already lined them all up and my finger is itching to press play!

Sadly, I should have known that this perfect relationship was too good to be true. Those tyrants at NBC have cancelled this happy little show and I just cannot seem to wrap my mind around the reasons why. In the days that I have been watching it, an emotional connection has been forged and the message it sends hits quite close to home.

The New Normal has taken the issues of bigotry, inequality and ignorance and thrown them in our faces as if to ask – “In this so-called modern day world, how are these intolerances still alive and kicking?” And that is a very good question. It is so rare that a 20-minute comedy can make me sit back and reflect on the state of society and contemplate the type of person I want to be and the beliefs that I hold onto. And this is why I like it.

To me, this show is perfect – funny, charming, real – and I really wish it was going to be around for longer. I guess I need take my episode rationing a bit more seriously now! Then again, there are so many incredible moments in this show that I think will be even better when watched the second time around. And the third. And the fourth…

I’m No Superman

I’ve been watching reruns of Scrubs on TV the past week and they have rekindled my love for those kooky doctors at Sacred Heart. But when I sat down to blog about them, writers block paralyzed my thoughts and all the witty one-liners and quirky anecdotes I had been thinking about, disappeared. I spent hours wracking my brain. Typing. Backspacing. Typing. Backspacing. Everything sounding overworked or contrived. It was official – my creativity had flat lined and I was having trouble bringing it back to life…

… Until I caught one of my favourite Scrubs episodes – My Musical – and I remembered why I fell in love with this show in the first place.

For starters, the fact that the writers managed to make a musical episode that was ACTUALLY good (unlike Greys Anatomy) deserves praise. That aside, there is something about the bounciness of JD’s hair that just does it for me, and I love nothing more than being a part of his over-the-top daydreams and constant face-offs with Janitor.

Another thing that I think gives Scrubs its unique sparkle, is the way it effortlessly blends sidesplitting humour with some of the most beautifully sad moments. In a matter of minutes, an episode can move me from laughter to tears. Then, without fail, the laughter will begin again and most likely not stop until well after the episode is finished.

I’m yet to find someone who will disagree with me on the following statement – Scrubs season 9 was TERRIBLE! It was as if the writers had signed the show’s very own DNR and to be honest, I happily welcomed the day it was cancelled. How could they fathom having a show without JD, when his bromance with Turk was one of the greatest aspects of the show! Shame on you writers, shame on you.

Regardless of the shamble that was season 9, I will always remember the 8 other seasons for their hair-brained shenanigans, Dr Cox’s tirades, The Todd’s awkwardly hilarious yet inappropriate comments and the fact that brinner was actually a thing and not just a weird craving I had from time to time! I can also guarantee that if I ever see Zach Braff, I will without a doubt run at him yelling “EEEEEEEAGLLLLLLLLE!”

With that, I’m off to go watch more episodes of Scrubs and perhaps make myself some brinner to go with them.

Hey, what’s that over there?! *sneak hug*

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